More and more people today think only about money and what they're gonna buy with it. Of course it's nice to have money, everyone wants to have it and spend it on different ways. But is it really all we have in life? All we need and is it really the meaning of life? That's when you start thinking that maybe even though you have for fifty Calvin Klein watches or twenty Michael Kors bags, it doesn't help you if you haven't figured out the real meaning of life. And many people don't figure that out until their late winter of life. So that's why I think teaching kids of morality, rationality and common sense is something that shouldn't be missing in child's education in their early years. I have many friends who have lots of money and think that money gives them a right to take everything for granted and that everything's gonna always work out for them.
Well, the answer's no. Luckily, nature has her parts that are the same for every ordinary mortal in the world: to age and get sick. Those two things are the same for everybody. From kids in most poor countries in the world, to China's biggest billioners. We all age and we all die one day. Things that can't be stopped by money. You can have as many plastic surgeries and try I don't know which combinations to keep you young, but to be fit and look healthy, we all have to work our asses off to get somewhere, we're all the same, even though some people who might have more of those green paper things that "should" save you, have themselves for something more. And actually that brings them higher in the society, puts them on the first place of some wait list or things like that. They buy their own priviliges. But in every nice and expensive thing, there is a price you can't pay only with money. You have to dedicate yourself to that thing, thing that later keeps you living, pays you the apartment on The Fifth Avenue, makes people remember your name, makes the high people invite you on their own private parties, even though you have no talents (that would bring you that money), but money. So money kind of keeps you important. That's how I see it. And of course everyone would like to have money, especially in those days. But I think real happiness can be found even without the money. That is what I believe in.
And when you don't have all the things in the world the second you wish for them, when you don't wear always the finest clothes and perfumes, then you know the real price of them. Then you experience how it's like to not have it all. You cherish things more and take care of them. I am not saying those who have everything are not grateful and happy for what they get. I am just saying sometimes it is better to be without something or not having it, to really find the meaning of it and appreciate it.
It is the same with love. I, for example, do not have any of it in my life, except family love. Oh, don't let me start... Anyway, I crave for it so much, I could daydream about one boy I see on the street about how happy we could be, how happy I could make him and so on, so on with pathetic little stories. Yet I really know, deep inside, that I will cherish that love when someone above us (whoever that is) decides to finally give it to me and cut off my suffering. They say those that wait a bit longer, do it better. And bigger. So I only get by with those words in my head. That one day I will receive what I really deserve. That I will receive a gift or a thanks from everybody that I have done good to. That there will be my turn to shine in my best and show the world that I can be capable of love, too, and that there exists a lovely, sweet, girly side of me. Side that anyone would love, it's just that I hide it. And yet expect some boy will notice it anyway and love me. That is nothing but pathetic. I know I will be given love when I truly give love, too. But I am afraid. I'm afraid of someone actually wanting to be with me. Yet I still haven't gotten to a point where a guy is in love with me and you know that tension between you two, when you realize he is in love with you? Well, I guess I could say those things only happen in epic-teenage-romance movies. So I know many girls don't get what they deserve and I know I am not the only one. But this is me, living my actually pathetic, miserable and grotesque life that is nothing but a complete joke. My life is like a horrible movie based on a fantastic novel. A failure.
So basically, my life is full of sarcasm, fake laughter, trying at my best (which somehow still doesn't seem to please anyone), tv shows and over-obsessive fangirling at days and crying-to-sleep at nights. Not much to be proud of except swimming. That is something I can say, clear and loud, not everyone can do it as good as me. But yeah, it's in human nature, I guess, that we only believe bad and negative things people say or do to us. But not always, of course. To be strong and independent you have to believe the positive things and encourage yourself to the limits. When you get to that, everything's possible. All chances are open. Like Keith said in the movie Keith: "We're here in a yellow truck, a road ahead of us and nothing but opportunities."
But I still am insecure all the time. I still haven't gotten to a point where I am sure about myself once for a change, where I like to look at myself in the mirror without being all dressed up and make-up done. It hurts me to be like that and I could say 'I didn't choose to be this way', but I am not saying that cause I don't believe in these words. Anyone can change if they really want to. If they want it bad enough. But all we do is sit here and pity ourselves. If we want to do the big change, we have to be in it with all our heart. That's just the deal. Leave it or take it. I will do it one day, I do believe so. But for now, I will just hide in my hole for a while, just to be sure of some things. Of some things like there is someone that can love me. And that I have the power and the strength in me to finally learn to love myself.
Well, the answer's no. Luckily, nature has her parts that are the same for every ordinary mortal in the world: to age and get sick. Those two things are the same for everybody. From kids in most poor countries in the world, to China's biggest billioners. We all age and we all die one day. Things that can't be stopped by money. You can have as many plastic surgeries and try I don't know which combinations to keep you young, but to be fit and look healthy, we all have to work our asses off to get somewhere, we're all the same, even though some people who might have more of those green paper things that "should" save you, have themselves for something more. And actually that brings them higher in the society, puts them on the first place of some wait list or things like that. They buy their own priviliges. But in every nice and expensive thing, there is a price you can't pay only with money. You have to dedicate yourself to that thing, thing that later keeps you living, pays you the apartment on The Fifth Avenue, makes people remember your name, makes the high people invite you on their own private parties, even though you have no talents (that would bring you that money), but money. So money kind of keeps you important. That's how I see it. And of course everyone would like to have money, especially in those days. But I think real happiness can be found even without the money. That is what I believe in.
And when you don't have all the things in the world the second you wish for them, when you don't wear always the finest clothes and perfumes, then you know the real price of them. Then you experience how it's like to not have it all. You cherish things more and take care of them. I am not saying those who have everything are not grateful and happy for what they get. I am just saying sometimes it is better to be without something or not having it, to really find the meaning of it and appreciate it.
It is the same with love. I, for example, do not have any of it in my life, except family love. Oh, don't let me start... Anyway, I crave for it so much, I could daydream about one boy I see on the street about how happy we could be, how happy I could make him and so on, so on with pathetic little stories. Yet I really know, deep inside, that I will cherish that love when someone above us (whoever that is) decides to finally give it to me and cut off my suffering. They say those that wait a bit longer, do it better. And bigger. So I only get by with those words in my head. That one day I will receive what I really deserve. That I will receive a gift or a thanks from everybody that I have done good to. That there will be my turn to shine in my best and show the world that I can be capable of love, too, and that there exists a lovely, sweet, girly side of me. Side that anyone would love, it's just that I hide it. And yet expect some boy will notice it anyway and love me. That is nothing but pathetic. I know I will be given love when I truly give love, too. But I am afraid. I'm afraid of someone actually wanting to be with me. Yet I still haven't gotten to a point where a guy is in love with me and you know that tension between you two, when you realize he is in love with you? Well, I guess I could say those things only happen in epic-teenage-romance movies. So I know many girls don't get what they deserve and I know I am not the only one. But this is me, living my actually pathetic, miserable and grotesque life that is nothing but a complete joke. My life is like a horrible movie based on a fantastic novel. A failure.
So basically, my life is full of sarcasm, fake laughter, trying at my best (which somehow still doesn't seem to please anyone), tv shows and over-obsessive fangirling at days and crying-to-sleep at nights. Not much to be proud of except swimming. That is something I can say, clear and loud, not everyone can do it as good as me. But yeah, it's in human nature, I guess, that we only believe bad and negative things people say or do to us. But not always, of course. To be strong and independent you have to believe the positive things and encourage yourself to the limits. When you get to that, everything's possible. All chances are open. Like Keith said in the movie Keith: "We're here in a yellow truck, a road ahead of us and nothing but opportunities."
But I still am insecure all the time. I still haven't gotten to a point where I am sure about myself once for a change, where I like to look at myself in the mirror without being all dressed up and make-up done. It hurts me to be like that and I could say 'I didn't choose to be this way', but I am not saying that cause I don't believe in these words. Anyone can change if they really want to. If they want it bad enough. But all we do is sit here and pity ourselves. If we want to do the big change, we have to be in it with all our heart. That's just the deal. Leave it or take it. I will do it one day, I do believe so. But for now, I will just hide in my hole for a while, just to be sure of some things. Of some things like there is someone that can love me. And that I have the power and the strength in me to finally learn to love myself.
Komentarji
Objavite komentar