You can even feel it in the air that school time is approaching. But it's different for everyone; some feel excitement, rush and yearning for school-adventures like me, some just still feel lost, hopeless and tired of everything already. I think those who just want to get out, to the world, need respect, too. 'Cause just because they don't wanna go to school and sit in class, listen to boring stuff (we might never even use, but I don't quite think so), doesn't mean they don't have dreams. And I think every person who has dreams and ambitions and will to reach those dreams and goals is worthy of some respect, time and compassion. It's unfair to not give other people chances, you see. I should know.
Now, I must tell you about my new stuff for school! OMG, shopping for new school year (in my case now even high school!) is sooo exciting and fun! Choosing notebooks for each class and decorating them the way you want is how you keep interested and creative, too. It is a fun way to approach to school and find it interesting. But anyway; I especially love my LOVE PINK notebooks! They come in pink-and-purple, orange-and-black and hot-pink-and-black combination! I just had to buy them! And all those pens and planners and backpacks! Ohh, I can't wait for school. You may think I only like school for buying stuff, but it's not like that. School stuff is just bonus. I like to shop, I give you that. But I don't have much money on my own (well, I do have some savings, but I'd like to spent those for my REAL and OWN INDEPENDENT flat in NYC, when I'm old enough) and I don't like to ask for money my parents cause I have all I need, really. I don't usually follow fashion trends and dress like latest models, but I mostly wear what I like. And I kinda have my own style. And following fashion trends can soon become very very expensive. Anyway, my point is; I don't live for just buying things for school. I live for education. Since I've found out that I will may not ever swim professionally again, I even more focused on how lucky I am to have option to attend high school and later college and so on. So my education is and always has been my first priority. I don't like to leave things to chances and coincidences. Nothing's for certain. I like to have things planned and organized, so I know where I stand. So that I know my options and opportunities. So I can make realistic goals. And that's what's all for me when it comes to school.
It's all in knowledge. It's free (most of it) and it can always get you somewhere. But if you're smart and have no goals or ambitions whatsoever, it's like painting an art on a napkin. It's useless. So it's not just going to school and attending stuff, but deciding what you want to be in future, too. It's not just about sitting in class, listening to some ancient professors of whom you think they are nothing but traitors since they've decided to devote their lives to torture you. They wanna help you. And so I help them too, by being nice and trying to learn something from what they teach. Not all teachers have great and burning passion for what they are teaching, but I try to find the meaning and some kind of core in each class, each subject they are telling us about, because there is meaning in all this. And I am passionate about trying to find that meaning. Aren't you curious? It's not just old stuff some mediaeval guys wrote to express their complicated feelings and now we have to solve their problems. No. They are trying to introduce us the passion that old guy had. They're trying to get us to understand that beautiful thing that guy was so interested in that it became world famous. The love he had for a woman. His thinking, point of view, his talents, ideas, ideals. Anything. And that's the whole secret. Those things are the meaning. These things are connecting the whole world. Knowledge is connecting the whole world, it's how we communicate. We have a choice here. Or to leave everything to solve by itself (we never really know when that's going to happen) and hope for the best, or to make things happen, to make them happen! It's not such a big science formula to solve or having to think very hard about it. It's so simple and so close to our reach. You just have to grab it! Everyone has a chance to change their lives, achieve their goals and make their dreams come true. It is important to follow your dreams, no matter what they are. I could also say: No matter how big they are. But I won't. Cause that is not important enough to even mention. It's not about the size or importance of your dreams. Not all want to become astronauts or pilots or doctors, something that is very conscientiously and stressful. Some want to be hairdressers, because they like to style hair and things like that. I hate it how the first job that comes to my mind thinking about lower jobs, is a hairdresser. It is so stereotypical. People (in our country especially) think this job is some kind of lower rank or position. It's like you got that job, because you had bad grades in high school and elementary school. Yes, it mostly is that way, I must admit that. But not always and that is what many people often forget. But I don't. I support any kind of dream and respect the people who are sure enough of themselves, who are brave enough to speak out loud about their dreams. It is nothing to be ashamed of and it shouldn't be. It's always about what other people will think and/or say. It's unfair and cruel. But we must adjust. We have to accept that this world we live in is just the way it is and that we have to make our own moves. Thinking of ourselves first (not in the unecological way) and our desires. That is the key to success.
Now enough of the serious side of school - I can't wait to meet new people, though! Besides that I am shy and nervous around people, I like meeting new people. And despite the fact that I sometimes tremble and shake around too many people at once, I am thrilled to know, that I will have new group of friends. Of course, I don't expect much from high school; I try to expect the worst and try not to get my hopes too high. But I know there will be some sort of people who will like me. And I will enter into new school year fully prepared and as new me. I'll try to hide my flaws e.g. being too shy sometimes and overthinking and caring about what other people think. I'll try to start again. No one knows me here and it is definitely a new environment, society and attitude. It's a period in our lives that we're all somehow afraid to go through. First time was in kindergarten, but we were to young to remember any of that. So now it's the first time we'll ever be truly separated from each other. Of course, true friends stick together, no matter the distance. But the truth is, I only had like one friend I'll even try to keep in touch with. I kinda didn't make any true attachments, friendships or any kind of relationships. Yes, we all know I hadn't even had a proper boyfriend yet, because somehow I was afraid to open up. To show someone everything. I do actually have this really good friend which I mentioned little while ago, she's the only one who kinda knows me long and good enough to say she knows me well. She's the only person I had sleepover with and still I hadn't tell her most parts of me. Of course, you don't have to, I realize that. But you someday make a best friend, don't you? Well, there was Jan, but since he told me those things... I kinda just wanna contact him one last time and say: "Thanks for being there for me when no one else was, though you fucking left, too." Because he did. Everyone eventually do. I only trust my family, cause we're connected like no one. But friends just leave, they change, we all do. Stuff happen and we move on in some time, but we have to. That's the point. And when you least expect (I keep telling this myself, but shit doesn't work. Probably cause I pretend to not expect things. Oh well, I tried) things, love and friends happen. That's the whole secret. It just hurts when it's the first time when someone leaves you, you know? The feeling you had with them, the trust that bonded you two like you could tell them anything no matter what, because you trusted them inconceivably. I always knew Jan wouldn't say a word about all the things I told him and he never broke that promise. But there were other stuff. It's always some other bullshit that adds up or is just so hard enough to make things so bad that it destroys everything forever.
But like I said; I'm starting over. I will meet new people - best friends or not best friends - and I will get over all the crap he gave me. I will find true friends here, worthy of my time and trust. I just have to believe that, because what you think is what you become. You think good, you look good. That's the secret recipe. And I'll stick to it till the end.
Now, I must tell you about my new stuff for school! OMG, shopping for new school year (in my case now even high school!) is sooo exciting and fun! Choosing notebooks for each class and decorating them the way you want is how you keep interested and creative, too. It is a fun way to approach to school and find it interesting. But anyway; I especially love my LOVE PINK notebooks! They come in pink-and-purple, orange-and-black and hot-pink-and-black combination! I just had to buy them! And all those pens and planners and backpacks! Ohh, I can't wait for school. You may think I only like school for buying stuff, but it's not like that. School stuff is just bonus. I like to shop, I give you that. But I don't have much money on my own (well, I do have some savings, but I'd like to spent those for my REAL and OWN INDEPENDENT flat in NYC, when I'm old enough) and I don't like to ask for money my parents cause I have all I need, really. I don't usually follow fashion trends and dress like latest models, but I mostly wear what I like. And I kinda have my own style. And following fashion trends can soon become very very expensive. Anyway, my point is; I don't live for just buying things for school. I live for education. Since I've found out that I will may not ever swim professionally again, I even more focused on how lucky I am to have option to attend high school and later college and so on. So my education is and always has been my first priority. I don't like to leave things to chances and coincidences. Nothing's for certain. I like to have things planned and organized, so I know where I stand. So that I know my options and opportunities. So I can make realistic goals. And that's what's all for me when it comes to school.
It's all in knowledge. It's free (most of it) and it can always get you somewhere. But if you're smart and have no goals or ambitions whatsoever, it's like painting an art on a napkin. It's useless. So it's not just going to school and attending stuff, but deciding what you want to be in future, too. It's not just about sitting in class, listening to some ancient professors of whom you think they are nothing but traitors since they've decided to devote their lives to torture you. They wanna help you. And so I help them too, by being nice and trying to learn something from what they teach. Not all teachers have great and burning passion for what they are teaching, but I try to find the meaning and some kind of core in each class, each subject they are telling us about, because there is meaning in all this. And I am passionate about trying to find that meaning. Aren't you curious? It's not just old stuff some mediaeval guys wrote to express their complicated feelings and now we have to solve their problems. No. They are trying to introduce us the passion that old guy had. They're trying to get us to understand that beautiful thing that guy was so interested in that it became world famous. The love he had for a woman. His thinking, point of view, his talents, ideas, ideals. Anything. And that's the whole secret. Those things are the meaning. These things are connecting the whole world. Knowledge is connecting the whole world, it's how we communicate. We have a choice here. Or to leave everything to solve by itself (we never really know when that's going to happen) and hope for the best, or to make things happen, to make them happen! It's not such a big science formula to solve or having to think very hard about it. It's so simple and so close to our reach. You just have to grab it! Everyone has a chance to change their lives, achieve their goals and make their dreams come true. It is important to follow your dreams, no matter what they are. I could also say: No matter how big they are. But I won't. Cause that is not important enough to even mention. It's not about the size or importance of your dreams. Not all want to become astronauts or pilots or doctors, something that is very conscientiously and stressful. Some want to be hairdressers, because they like to style hair and things like that. I hate it how the first job that comes to my mind thinking about lower jobs, is a hairdresser. It is so stereotypical. People (in our country especially) think this job is some kind of lower rank or position. It's like you got that job, because you had bad grades in high school and elementary school. Yes, it mostly is that way, I must admit that. But not always and that is what many people often forget. But I don't. I support any kind of dream and respect the people who are sure enough of themselves, who are brave enough to speak out loud about their dreams. It is nothing to be ashamed of and it shouldn't be. It's always about what other people will think and/or say. It's unfair and cruel. But we must adjust. We have to accept that this world we live in is just the way it is and that we have to make our own moves. Thinking of ourselves first (not in the unecological way) and our desires. That is the key to success.
Now enough of the serious side of school - I can't wait to meet new people, though! Besides that I am shy and nervous around people, I like meeting new people. And despite the fact that I sometimes tremble and shake around too many people at once, I am thrilled to know, that I will have new group of friends. Of course, I don't expect much from high school; I try to expect the worst and try not to get my hopes too high. But I know there will be some sort of people who will like me. And I will enter into new school year fully prepared and as new me. I'll try to hide my flaws e.g. being too shy sometimes and overthinking and caring about what other people think. I'll try to start again. No one knows me here and it is definitely a new environment, society and attitude. It's a period in our lives that we're all somehow afraid to go through. First time was in kindergarten, but we were to young to remember any of that. So now it's the first time we'll ever be truly separated from each other. Of course, true friends stick together, no matter the distance. But the truth is, I only had like one friend I'll even try to keep in touch with. I kinda didn't make any true attachments, friendships or any kind of relationships. Yes, we all know I hadn't even had a proper boyfriend yet, because somehow I was afraid to open up. To show someone everything. I do actually have this really good friend which I mentioned little while ago, she's the only one who kinda knows me long and good enough to say she knows me well. She's the only person I had sleepover with and still I hadn't tell her most parts of me. Of course, you don't have to, I realize that. But you someday make a best friend, don't you? Well, there was Jan, but since he told me those things... I kinda just wanna contact him one last time and say: "Thanks for being there for me when no one else was, though you fucking left, too." Because he did. Everyone eventually do. I only trust my family, cause we're connected like no one. But friends just leave, they change, we all do. Stuff happen and we move on in some time, but we have to. That's the point. And when you least expect (I keep telling this myself, but shit doesn't work. Probably cause I pretend to not expect things. Oh well, I tried) things, love and friends happen. That's the whole secret. It just hurts when it's the first time when someone leaves you, you know? The feeling you had with them, the trust that bonded you two like you could tell them anything no matter what, because you trusted them inconceivably. I always knew Jan wouldn't say a word about all the things I told him and he never broke that promise. But there were other stuff. It's always some other bullshit that adds up or is just so hard enough to make things so bad that it destroys everything forever.
But like I said; I'm starting over. I will meet new people - best friends or not best friends - and I will get over all the crap he gave me. I will find true friends here, worthy of my time and trust. I just have to believe that, because what you think is what you become. You think good, you look good. That's the secret recipe. And I'll stick to it till the end.
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