So. Guess what today is. My sixteenth birthday. Yay.
Yeah, not really. I hate birthdays. Yes okay, it's all cool for the gifts and one day attention. But it's pathetic. It's literally just a number we made up. We made up time and clocks. And also the fear of getting old, getting lost in time. Fear of nostalgia and time itself. We fear oblivion, even though it is inevitable. We fear we'll end up all alone. But for kids it's all about birthdays. For little kids it's all about birthday parties and gifts and floating castles. But at the end, they all wanna grow up, be older, smarter, cooler. But the ugly truth is, that aging up is not at all that fancy and nice and kind. It's cruel. It's when you realize the monsters under your bed moved into your head.
Though we, grumpy and moody teenagers shouldn't ruin the little ones' childhood. They still have a right to be children and we all know, especially in these days, how we miss being a carefree child. I think it is crucial that a child and an adult in the future, maintains his eternal childish side because as Ursula K. Le Guin said: "The creative adult is the child that survived." Survived what? you might wonder. Survive the pressures of the big, modern world. All sorts of it. Sometimes we need a little support, motivation and good energy, which we can all find from within only if we let ourselves see it. Only then we'll become really successful. It is important to keep the child within you alive because one day you will be grateful for that.
Though we, grumpy and moody teenagers shouldn't ruin the little ones' childhood. They still have a right to be children and we all know, especially in these days, how we miss being a carefree child. I think it is crucial that a child and an adult in the future, maintains his eternal childish side because as Ursula K. Le Guin said: "The creative adult is the child that survived." Survived what? you might wonder. Survive the pressures of the big, modern world. All sorts of it. Sometimes we need a little support, motivation and good energy, which we can all find from within only if we let ourselves see it. Only then we'll become really successful. It is important to keep the child within you alive because one day you will be grateful for that.
But as I said, we, teens, experiences those birthday thingies a bit different. It fills your mind with nothing but negative thoughts. Bad memories, insecurity, shyness, anxiety, overthinking... And it's killing you slowly. You're drowning in words and images. And although you want out, there is no way to kill it other than distract yourself with something else. But it also doesn't last very long. You know it's temporary, but it's either that or nothing. You either explode mentally, your mind goes crazy or you don't feel a thing. And I don't know if it's just puberty. I told my mum those stuff once and she said all teenagers go through this stage.I watch other girls and they're so careless, they don't worry about a thing. They do something and forget about it in a moment. But I remember reading once that the girl you think might be all happy and cheerful could cry herself to sleep. That is how I know that I should be patient with people as with myself. I am aware that people fight their own battles of which we aren't always informed of. Because after all it is their life and it is not their obligation to share it with anyone. We all have scares, just not all of us wear them on the outside.
I do have bad days and generally I am moody and grumpy. I disappoint people all the time and push them away. Yet I still somehow believe I am a good person and why don't good things happen to good people? I've mad a lot of mistakes and my family knows about most of them and they always tell me that just because I've done a bad thing, doesn't mean I am a bad person. But I always feel so bad after something happens. I can't move on for days, I wanna just stay in my room for a month until things sink in. But it's not as simple and easy as that and my mom reminded of that. When something bad happened some time ago, I didn't wanna show up to the world anymore. I could feel from the distance how people are talking about nothing but me. But my mom gave me the courage, confidence and strength to move on. Theodore Roosevelt once said: "Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength." And through all the things, she's been there with me.
And that is the bright side of birthdays for me; reminding yourself of the people that surround you, help you, love you, tolerate you, cry for you, would die for you, feed you, secure you, hold you and care about you. Family. Nothing can replace my family. That is for sure. And I am happy for what I have. I don't ask for much, especially not from my family. But when it comes to important decisions or situations, we all know that we'd do anything for each other. And I am telling you; that is worth living for. Because you always leave something behind, some kind of legacy. And if not exactly money (which is the last thing that is important about legacy), you leave knowledge, passion and love that passes on through the generations.
Speaking of generations and traditions of some sort, since it is my sweet sixteen, I feel obliged to share a few words about that. About the prejudices, commercials and at last expectations. We all hold, especially girls, some sort of excitement growing inside of us all the years until we finally hit the magical number. I wonder why, though. Is it because of the movies? Or maybe the TV shows (this refers to that MTV show) that only show rich and powerful young ladies with nothing to do with their lives but spend money and throw parties? What sort of paragon are they trying to show us? It is truly misguided and just imagine all those girls who may not be mentally as strong and firm as me and how they'd die to have sweet sixteen's like those girls on TV. Not only that they set an impossible image to the youngsters about real life, but they also make them feel sorry for themselves for maybe not having as much money. You might think what I'm saying is totally false and going in the extreme, but let me tell you one thing - kids eventually do start actually blaming themselves for the things they have no influence on or the things they cannot change. How do you think that makes the parents feel? It's all because the media is starting to brainwash the youngsters more and more often now, and the ones still sane, we (society) consider dreamers and eccentric, odd people. How are we supposed to change the world on the better when we teach kids what to think instead of how to think? I really do not know how the society is expecting any changes at all, good or bad, when they have this kind of situation increasing immensely.
What I'd love to teach the children these days is to acknowledge the true power of being a kid/young person, just entering the world. They do not yet realize how much power they hold and that is also threatening to the society: fearing how they might think and that maybe it will ruin the whole thing they've imagined for the future.
For myself, I can say that I do not feel any different or maturer or in any way more "adulter". I can only say that I consider this day as an extremely normal one and not expecting any miracles to happen. I do, however, believe that no one shall ruin this day, no matter how ordinary it may be. Regardless the fact that it is just a normal day, it still is my day. Birthdays are weird. Period. You don't know what to think and what thinking is the right thinking because the society has set some sort of rules how a person should feel on a birthday. Maybe you're just full of all the bullshit and you feel really pissed off and just want to take the edge of; but no. You must be happy and grateful and kind to all people since it's your birthday and you are obliged to please everyone in the room. That is totally misguided way of thinking. Why? Because this life is the only one you've got and it should be entirely entitled to you and you alone, not worrying about what other people might think. That's the thing that often ruins the whole birthday mood: people saying what you're feeling is wrong and how you should be feeling and behaving. I say "Fuck you," to those people. Why, again? Because I own the whole right to it. I am the only one who should say how and what I feel and not others. Still, people think that since it's your birthday, you should devote it entirely to the people around you. That is not true. This day, as all the others, is and should be entirely about you and what you want.
I also believe that with each year you become wiser, fuller of experiences and good memories. Every year leaves something and when you look back, you actually realize how time flies. You realize you also had good times, too, and it is important for you to realize that. There's this quote by Natalie Babbitt that goes: "Don't fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live." You don't have to wait for another year thinking it will be a second chance; you should live every day as a second chance, because that's what it is. Take an advice from the famous romance novelist Nicholas Sparks, who says: "Don't think there are no second chances. Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow." Tomorrow holds such better days, just believe it. And once we all believe that, we can achieve anything.
So I could say that birthdays for me are a bit bittersweet. They hold that tiny grain of anxiety, fear of oblivion and expectations that will ruin us, but they are also filled with the good stuff like cake. Besides cake also knowing where you stand and that you should be proud of yourself for what you've achieved and been through so far. One of the habits of healthy people is that you treat yourself on daily basis. Not necessarily with food (you're not a pet, come on), but with small remarks and compliments to yourself. They can work wonders. Because before you're anyone else's, you should be yours first. You should know that you are a worthy persona and that anyone else who think otherwise aren't even worth the time. So this was my first post as a proud sixteen-er and I hope there will be more wise posts to come!
And that is the bright side of birthdays for me; reminding yourself of the people that surround you, help you, love you, tolerate you, cry for you, would die for you, feed you, secure you, hold you and care about you. Family. Nothing can replace my family. That is for sure. And I am happy for what I have. I don't ask for much, especially not from my family. But when it comes to important decisions or situations, we all know that we'd do anything for each other. And I am telling you; that is worth living for. Because you always leave something behind, some kind of legacy. And if not exactly money (which is the last thing that is important about legacy), you leave knowledge, passion and love that passes on through the generations.
Speaking of generations and traditions of some sort, since it is my sweet sixteen, I feel obliged to share a few words about that. About the prejudices, commercials and at last expectations. We all hold, especially girls, some sort of excitement growing inside of us all the years until we finally hit the magical number. I wonder why, though. Is it because of the movies? Or maybe the TV shows (this refers to that MTV show) that only show rich and powerful young ladies with nothing to do with their lives but spend money and throw parties? What sort of paragon are they trying to show us? It is truly misguided and just imagine all those girls who may not be mentally as strong and firm as me and how they'd die to have sweet sixteen's like those girls on TV. Not only that they set an impossible image to the youngsters about real life, but they also make them feel sorry for themselves for maybe not having as much money. You might think what I'm saying is totally false and going in the extreme, but let me tell you one thing - kids eventually do start actually blaming themselves for the things they have no influence on or the things they cannot change. How do you think that makes the parents feel? It's all because the media is starting to brainwash the youngsters more and more often now, and the ones still sane, we (society) consider dreamers and eccentric, odd people. How are we supposed to change the world on the better when we teach kids what to think instead of how to think? I really do not know how the society is expecting any changes at all, good or bad, when they have this kind of situation increasing immensely.
What I'd love to teach the children these days is to acknowledge the true power of being a kid/young person, just entering the world. They do not yet realize how much power they hold and that is also threatening to the society: fearing how they might think and that maybe it will ruin the whole thing they've imagined for the future.
For myself, I can say that I do not feel any different or maturer or in any way more "adulter". I can only say that I consider this day as an extremely normal one and not expecting any miracles to happen. I do, however, believe that no one shall ruin this day, no matter how ordinary it may be. Regardless the fact that it is just a normal day, it still is my day. Birthdays are weird. Period. You don't know what to think and what thinking is the right thinking because the society has set some sort of rules how a person should feel on a birthday. Maybe you're just full of all the bullshit and you feel really pissed off and just want to take the edge of; but no. You must be happy and grateful and kind to all people since it's your birthday and you are obliged to please everyone in the room. That is totally misguided way of thinking. Why? Because this life is the only one you've got and it should be entirely entitled to you and you alone, not worrying about what other people might think. That's the thing that often ruins the whole birthday mood: people saying what you're feeling is wrong and how you should be feeling and behaving. I say "Fuck you," to those people. Why, again? Because I own the whole right to it. I am the only one who should say how and what I feel and not others. Still, people think that since it's your birthday, you should devote it entirely to the people around you. That is not true. This day, as all the others, is and should be entirely about you and what you want.
I also believe that with each year you become wiser, fuller of experiences and good memories. Every year leaves something and when you look back, you actually realize how time flies. You realize you also had good times, too, and it is important for you to realize that. There's this quote by Natalie Babbitt that goes: "Don't fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live." You don't have to wait for another year thinking it will be a second chance; you should live every day as a second chance, because that's what it is. Take an advice from the famous romance novelist Nicholas Sparks, who says: "Don't think there are no second chances. Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow." Tomorrow holds such better days, just believe it. And once we all believe that, we can achieve anything.
So I could say that birthdays for me are a bit bittersweet. They hold that tiny grain of anxiety, fear of oblivion and expectations that will ruin us, but they are also filled with the good stuff like cake. Besides cake also knowing where you stand and that you should be proud of yourself for what you've achieved and been through so far. One of the habits of healthy people is that you treat yourself on daily basis. Not necessarily with food (you're not a pet, come on), but with small remarks and compliments to yourself. They can work wonders. Because before you're anyone else's, you should be yours first. You should know that you are a worthy persona and that anyone else who think otherwise aren't even worth the time. So this was my first post as a proud sixteen-er and I hope there will be more wise posts to come!
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