Now I've realised. I mean I know about this thing for a long time and I'm longing for it even more, each day more. Boys are... Stupid, ignorant and funny, awesome and irreplaceable. We just need them in our life, like they need us, girls. We can't live without each other no matter how much we hate or contempt each other. It's just the way it is, the way mother nature set up this life. And in my opinion, it couldn't be better. Maybe I'd change the number of assholes and good guys (I'm not one of those girls who don't realise who the good guys are and then put them in friendzone, because I don't even have that many boy friends...). It couldn't be better in the way how we still need each other. How we must tell each other something, how relationships start and develop, the feelings...
I long for a boy. Maybe just a friend, maybe something more, but that's not the point. The point is I wanna meet a new boy, I'm sick of all these jackasses in middle school talking childish bullshit and wanting to be dope and shit, it's not working for me. I'm looking for a boy, almost a guy, who's tall, older and mature. I long for a boy's presence, being with me like it is on this photo on the right. I find it attractive, relaxing, mysterious and just cute when boys give your attention to you. Or when they're just with you somewhere, being with you, spending time with you. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic and maybe I wish for things that will never happen, but how could I ever give up? How could I possible give up all my hope, work and trust to a thing that is the only thing I believe in? Love. Even though I've never experienced it, I really do believe in it. And John Green once wrote: "True love will triumph in the end - which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, then it's the most beautiful lie we have." And I do believe in this lie and yes, maybe I'm blinding myself with an idea of being in love and being with someone, someone special. And the thing is, I don't even want love that much if I could only had some real friends, friends I can talk to stuff and maybe not only girls. When I was younger, you see, I was in this swim club when it was all more fun then professional career as swimers and attending competitions and so on. We were all more like family and there was only like twenty or maybe little more of us, and we felt connected. I was the only girl since swimming and often practices weren't such a good combination for girls my age back then. I grew up with at least fifteen boys. We were playing football together, swim together, saving spots at competitons, eating at McDonald's on late nights when we were in two-stars shit hotel because we were too poor and didn't have dinner included, when we played basketball as a fitness... Those were memories I will never forget, no matter how many clubs I switch.
The thing is, I learned a lot about boys. And no, they are NOT all the same as those whiny ass bitches complain on always being with assholes. Well no shit when you're selling yourself.
Anyway, every boy is special in his own way. Each has his good and bad sides, but I think the magic happens when they let you see the bright side, the good side of them. The softness in them, which you never knew they were capable of. Well, I wouldn't know since I wasn't intimate with any boy, but I know them. I know how they act when they're in love, jealous, angry or they want someone. They have emotions and I think boys' feelings for something are the sexiest shit ever. Funny, how I think I'm a person who longs for a boy the most and doesn't get one. Here's where I disagree with this way of life nature gave us. I get goosebumps when I just think of being with a boy, his touch, lips, closeness, talking, anything. I long for it so bad I might get crazy. And I know I maybe, no, for sure, think about it way too much and that there's no way to find a guy that will be all those nice things. But I'm not seeking for a perfect one, I love flaws. But it's hard to be with someone who you don't find attractive, right? So I have a type too. But most of all, for me, personality counts. I like strong mind, twisted mind, interesting mind. A different mind. I like when someone has a different opinion on things, who's not like others, who's mysterious. And I find all these things irresistible attractive and hot. I like tall, skinny boys, with a good hair and style, not much muscles but some abs, biceps and chest muscles, boys who are badasses (but not nowadays badasses!), who have taste in music and know how to love, but are not loved. I like boys who are messed up, but still have some touch with reality. And most of all: I like boys who will love only one girl and won't flirt with others IN A WAY I don't like it. Yeah, I know I'm complicated and it's impossible to find a boy like that. But I see cute ass boys every day and they really are stunning. So about looks I don't have to worry that much. But a good, original personality is hard to find.
Anyway, boys are really special. But don't need any extra pity, they have all they need. And nowadays boys are... Oh god I wanna vomit when I just think about those monkeys in our school. They don't cherish a damn thing, they think they can be all sassy and shit cause they have Diamonds Supply Co. t-shirts and snapbacks. They fall for the easy girls and don't mock out of us, "ugly" girls. Even worse: they despise us. They don't give a shit about us, they just ignore us. But when we do something so shameful or worth laughing next few weeks about it, they all of a sudden do care about us. But just what we did. You see, they can't wait for another opportunity to make fun out of someone. Yes, they are one of those superficial people I was talking about in one of my subjects. It's just awful how they're treating girls and those girls like it! It's scary to think what those girls would do just for a day of attention, they'd offer themselves and then wonder why they always fall fro wrong guys. But enough of this bullshit, we're not here for this or them.
They're special in a sexy, mysterious way and not all of them. I like boys who somehow don't wanna show their feelings and take love seriously like me, even though it maybe oldfashioned or weird or unusual. I like those stuff. And find it interesting when someone else also does.
Now the thing is every boy likes different stuff and it's crazy how girls would do anything to achieve those "terms and conditions". I think if every girl would stay true to herself, she would easily find a guy who'd suited her. But of course today that is not possible since everyone's fake and really unoriginal and those idiots still think they're being original. I just wanna cry when I walk through the city and see all those on outside confident, pretty, popular girls who throw themselves away to THOSE KIND of boys who just want fun and sex. While on the inside they're insecure as hell, they hate themselves for doing it or some may not. Some may be so brainwashed that they actually like doing it or that's just the way they are. There are only those three options to explain this kind of behaviour. I really wish for every girl to find a nice guy who'll respect them and take care of them. And it's funny how close those guys are and are not even that ugly that those girls think they are. But I believe when you truly fall in love you start to fall in love with their looks too, even though they may not be your type or you don't like their skin or nose. The colour of their eyes suddenly becomes your favourite, you like how they smell, talk, laugh, look at you... There are so many special things about each person, it's so fascinating. It's beautiful.
Conclusion:
I do believe there is a "soul mate" for everyone. Maybe not in love thing, but it can be a parent, relative, friend or a teacher. Just someone who gets you. Who understands all those silly, dumb, complicated stuff in the messed up mind of yours, who sees you in your worst, but still think you're the best, still points out the good of you. Who accepts you. And I know this kind of things happen through life when we don't expect it and we shouldn't. We should just go with the flow, follow where life leads us and leaves us clues. Clues to decisions that later make our life. And if you think again; without those things we regret so much, without things we wish they wouldn't happen, life wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't meet the people we do and even though they might be stupid and selfish and in general idiotic (for example: my apes back in school), our journey just wouldn't be the same without them. It wouldn't lead us to the spot right here, right now. And we should be proud and trust life that it will take care of us, that it has a secret plan for us. And when we don't think about it as much, things just click by themselves, they just go back in order. And we didn't do anything. Except we did something: we were in a good mood, we were satisfied with little, had low expectations and that was it. When we are happy life is nicer to us too. So believe in it, believe in yourself and your ambitions and have faith in fate. We will get what we deserve. One day.
I long for a boy. Maybe just a friend, maybe something more, but that's not the point. The point is I wanna meet a new boy, I'm sick of all these jackasses in middle school talking childish bullshit and wanting to be dope and shit, it's not working for me. I'm looking for a boy, almost a guy, who's tall, older and mature. I long for a boy's presence, being with me like it is on this photo on the right. I find it attractive, relaxing, mysterious and just cute when boys give your attention to you. Or when they're just with you somewhere, being with you, spending time with you. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic and maybe I wish for things that will never happen, but how could I ever give up? How could I possible give up all my hope, work and trust to a thing that is the only thing I believe in? Love. Even though I've never experienced it, I really do believe in it. And John Green once wrote: "True love will triumph in the end - which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, then it's the most beautiful lie we have." And I do believe in this lie and yes, maybe I'm blinding myself with an idea of being in love and being with someone, someone special. And the thing is, I don't even want love that much if I could only had some real friends, friends I can talk to stuff and maybe not only girls. When I was younger, you see, I was in this swim club when it was all more fun then professional career as swimers and attending competitions and so on. We were all more like family and there was only like twenty or maybe little more of us, and we felt connected. I was the only girl since swimming and often practices weren't such a good combination for girls my age back then. I grew up with at least fifteen boys. We were playing football together, swim together, saving spots at competitons, eating at McDonald's on late nights when we were in two-stars shit hotel because we were too poor and didn't have dinner included, when we played basketball as a fitness... Those were memories I will never forget, no matter how many clubs I switch.
The thing is, I learned a lot about boys. And no, they are NOT all the same as those whiny ass bitches complain on always being with assholes. Well no shit when you're selling yourself.
Anyway, every boy is special in his own way. Each has his good and bad sides, but I think the magic happens when they let you see the bright side, the good side of them. The softness in them, which you never knew they were capable of. Well, I wouldn't know since I wasn't intimate with any boy, but I know them. I know how they act when they're in love, jealous, angry or they want someone. They have emotions and I think boys' feelings for something are the sexiest shit ever. Funny, how I think I'm a person who longs for a boy the most and doesn't get one. Here's where I disagree with this way of life nature gave us. I get goosebumps when I just think of being with a boy, his touch, lips, closeness, talking, anything. I long for it so bad I might get crazy. And I know I maybe, no, for sure, think about it way too much and that there's no way to find a guy that will be all those nice things. But I'm not seeking for a perfect one, I love flaws. But it's hard to be with someone who you don't find attractive, right? So I have a type too. But most of all, for me, personality counts. I like strong mind, twisted mind, interesting mind. A different mind. I like when someone has a different opinion on things, who's not like others, who's mysterious. And I find all these things irresistible attractive and hot. I like tall, skinny boys, with a good hair and style, not much muscles but some abs, biceps and chest muscles, boys who are badasses (but not nowadays badasses!), who have taste in music and know how to love, but are not loved. I like boys who are messed up, but still have some touch with reality. And most of all: I like boys who will love only one girl and won't flirt with others IN A WAY I don't like it. Yeah, I know I'm complicated and it's impossible to find a boy like that. But I see cute ass boys every day and they really are stunning. So about looks I don't have to worry that much. But a good, original personality is hard to find.
Anyway, boys are really special. But don't need any extra pity, they have all they need. And nowadays boys are... Oh god I wanna vomit when I just think about those monkeys in our school. They don't cherish a damn thing, they think they can be all sassy and shit cause they have Diamonds Supply Co. t-shirts and snapbacks. They fall for the easy girls and don't mock out of us, "ugly" girls. Even worse: they despise us. They don't give a shit about us, they just ignore us. But when we do something so shameful or worth laughing next few weeks about it, they all of a sudden do care about us. But just what we did. You see, they can't wait for another opportunity to make fun out of someone. Yes, they are one of those superficial people I was talking about in one of my subjects. It's just awful how they're treating girls and those girls like it! It's scary to think what those girls would do just for a day of attention, they'd offer themselves and then wonder why they always fall fro wrong guys. But enough of this bullshit, we're not here for this or them.
They're special in a sexy, mysterious way and not all of them. I like boys who somehow don't wanna show their feelings and take love seriously like me, even though it maybe oldfashioned or weird or unusual. I like those stuff. And find it interesting when someone else also does.
Now the thing is every boy likes different stuff and it's crazy how girls would do anything to achieve those "terms and conditions". I think if every girl would stay true to herself, she would easily find a guy who'd suited her. But of course today that is not possible since everyone's fake and really unoriginal and those idiots still think they're being original. I just wanna cry when I walk through the city and see all those on outside confident, pretty, popular girls who throw themselves away to THOSE KIND of boys who just want fun and sex. While on the inside they're insecure as hell, they hate themselves for doing it or some may not. Some may be so brainwashed that they actually like doing it or that's just the way they are. There are only those three options to explain this kind of behaviour. I really wish for every girl to find a nice guy who'll respect them and take care of them. And it's funny how close those guys are and are not even that ugly that those girls think they are. But I believe when you truly fall in love you start to fall in love with their looks too, even though they may not be your type or you don't like their skin or nose. The colour of their eyes suddenly becomes your favourite, you like how they smell, talk, laugh, look at you... There are so many special things about each person, it's so fascinating. It's beautiful.
Conclusion:
I do believe there is a "soul mate" for everyone. Maybe not in love thing, but it can be a parent, relative, friend or a teacher. Just someone who gets you. Who understands all those silly, dumb, complicated stuff in the messed up mind of yours, who sees you in your worst, but still think you're the best, still points out the good of you. Who accepts you. And I know this kind of things happen through life when we don't expect it and we shouldn't. We should just go with the flow, follow where life leads us and leaves us clues. Clues to decisions that later make our life. And if you think again; without those things we regret so much, without things we wish they wouldn't happen, life wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't meet the people we do and even though they might be stupid and selfish and in general idiotic (for example: my apes back in school), our journey just wouldn't be the same without them. It wouldn't lead us to the spot right here, right now. And we should be proud and trust life that it will take care of us, that it has a secret plan for us. And when we don't think about it as much, things just click by themselves, they just go back in order. And we didn't do anything. Except we did something: we were in a good mood, we were satisfied with little, had low expectations and that was it. When we are happy life is nicer to us too. So believe in it, believe in yourself and your ambitions and have faith in fate. We will get what we deserve. One day.
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