Preskoči na glavno vsebino

Strange, like life itself

 Can you feel this winter cold, sneaking under your clothes even though you've dressed really warm? Do you hear the sound of snow, bleep under your feet while you're walking through this uncleaned path to wherever you're going? Can you see the white blankets on many rooftops as you walk pass houses, less and less snow everytime you pass them? Do you see that tree you saw many years ago when you were at that place as a kid and now you've noticed the tree has really grown since then? These are the signs of nature showing us how life is actually passing us by. No matter what we do, where we are, when we are somewhere. Life's gonna keep going, even when we pass on. It's kind of scary, isn't it? Knowing people will still go to work, get promoted, get kids, seeing them grow, getting grandchildren and all of a sudden; they pass away too. It's a circle of life that no one has influence on. It will keep going, keep the life on Earth.

 But it's funny how we can still make something out of it, living in this circle. We can live. We can accept the fact we can't change this circle and live with it, go with the flow, try to enjoy every thing life brings us. Because later in life, we'll miss those little things when they're gone. We'll miss those little things we took for granted, because those tiny, little things, made our life the way it is, they made it unique and special each day. We'll miss the shortcuts we made ourselves on the way home from school, we'll miss the rush and learning, we'll miss the excitement on a prom, we'll miss our friends we made at school, we'll miss the funny moments, carefree days, snowball matches, the first smell of spring, endless and unforgettable summers, the first day at high school, ups and downs, tears, broken hearts and at last: happiness and youth. The happiness we had while being with the right people. Maybe we weren't happy all the time in our early life, but when we were with people we belonged with we had the time of our lives. And the lesson of all this? That we should spend time with people we feel comfortable with, people with who do not feel ashamed, when we can be the most us we can possibly be. Cause we'll miss this later in life, when we're older. When life won't bring us people like that or we'll be able to be only with people we like. Life is full of unfair choices and people which we most dislike and those will mostly be our bosses or just some people in general who'll think they're better than us. But we'll have to accept it, it's a part of the "life circle". I take everything as a test, every thing that I don't find fair and normal. Because then you show who you really are. How much patience you have for other people too, but not only that. There are many things that can't be said by word, but just seen and shown. Then the person next to you or whatever who, will find out the real you. Your personality, your personal culture and etiquette inside you. It just tells alot about you.
 It's also important how you deal with it. With those people. It's important you stay professional and cold-hearted. It may sound scary, but it's just the way it is. The best way to not have your heart broken, is to pretend you don't have one. But you don't have to be always so brutally cold-hearted and don't have feelings. In bussines or in such matters, you just have to put personal feelings aside and everything's gonna be alright. Or just simply work.

 Anyway, I think this life is pretty amazing, don't you think? When you just stop wherever you're going for a moment, look around and realise that what you've been given is a true miracle. A miracle that you're even here, being able to read this, do many many other stuff. Some people just don't get it and it's really hard watching them how they're still not satisfied what they have. I'm not saying like: You musn't have problems, because someone has it worse. No, it's like saying someone they can't be happy, because someone might have it better. I'm saying they should be pleased with what they have, happy to have a family (I'm saying this in general, many have problems in home too) and to eat and even have wifi and stuff like that.

 Because you never know what life gives us; you can lose all these pretty, shiny things in a second. And suddenly they don't matter as much, do they? All that matters then is your family and praying to whoever is up there to get things fixed.
 I really dislike people who have lots of money and think they can be sassy bitches then. I think life's being here really cruelly unfair to those, who might not have as much money, but are good in heart and bad things still happen to them.When they always look up to the stars, wishing a shooting star would appear so they would believe in what they wish for, trust in it. When they pray to whoever is up there and their prayers never get heard. When they wish every person in the world good, that they enjoy what they have and find love in life, when they're the one who need saving. I belong to those kind of people and I believe many do. And many don't get noticed. I find each person beautiful and I find every single thing that's a bit extraordinary or unusual, pretty and interesting, while the most of my "friends" (a.k.a. people in school I can't get rid of) find those things weird and bizzare. Just because they don't understand it, they immediately throw the idea of beautiful away, just because they don't stop, stare for a while and realise the beauty that is hidden underneath those things or people or anything, really. They don't see beauty in things because they chose so. And I do. Because I accept every person, thing, anything. I accept the uniqueness and originality while they don't respect it. And all that is happening to those people is love, good times and luck. I don't get it, I really don't. Mother nature or whoever is keeping this life going, is a really funny person.
 But it can affect weak people. Not weak as in lack of physical or mental strength; but people who are shy, afraid and unknown to the dangerous world. And they, most of all, just want to be seen. And you'd be surprised what people are capable of just for a moment of attention. So I think this "leader" here, which do I believe is existing even if it's not a person, is being really unfair to those who are unnoticed, such as myself. But every single time I ask my mother or grandmother about those things, they always reply with the same answer: "They do, at the end, get what they deserve, darling, trust me," and they wink at me and I still don't get it. If they don't get what they deserve now, if life doesn't treat them right now, when will it?! Why not now, when we need this confidence the most? But I do trust my mother and my grandmother and believe, one day, those people are gonna get what they deserve. I believe in Karma and... and, well, it happens in all movies!

 But every day, every single day, I thank for what I have. For a great support, family, health, mind and just the conditions we have. I see so many ungrateful people every day and not with facebook statuses in the context like love problems or similiar stuff. I mean in the way they trash their life, go with exuses YOLO and drinking until they OD. My brother is missing half of heart and every day is a miracle for him and it just pisses you off when you see those ungrateful pigs out there, you know? Because when you live with someone that is so ill, but has so much life inside him, so much will and energy he wants to express through sports, but he can't, you see how lucky you are. And I'm getting a tattoo later in the summer saying in French never lose hope. Because if he didn't so won't I, he's my biggest inspiration, my biggest support, even though I don't tell him enough that. He's amazing and you know what's the problem? People only pity (not that my brother needs any pity from anybody) people who are handicapped on the outside and then they make facebook pages like for Adalia Rose (not saying anything, I just think it's not fair) and stuff. So my brother is treated really badly when he breathes a bit louder and that's it, but they don't even know. They don't know what he's been through. He's been over eleven (eleven!!!) operations when he was just months old. When other kids were comfortably sleeping in their cradle, he was lying in the hospital, playing with his little cars (we have pictures) and from the top of his neck to the end of his tummy there was a red, blood line, a trace from surgical instruments. He's been through so much... He's 19 now and has a sweet girlfriend and I am very very happy for him.

 This life is strange. And the whole circle, life circle. We must never count on it, because we never know what fate will bring us. But the truth is, we make our own destiny. If we walk up to a guy/girl, introduce ourselves and by I don't know what strange coincidence we end up dating this person, we can change everything. That's why I also believe in no regrets, because in the end, those things make you who you are. And never miss a chance to tell somebody you love them. I'm planning to tell Daniel when he's going. Forever away from me. Even when I think about it my hear tears apart. And who knows, maybe when I'll kiss him and tell him how I feel, he'll change his mind and persuade his father to stay in Slovenia to be with me. Yeah, we never know...

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