I kinda can say for myself now that I've found my new crush. And he is more perfect than anyone. Okay, I'm overreacting now here. He isn't perfect, no one is. There is no such thing as perfection even though some people or things at first sight do seem perfect for us or at least our concept of perfection. But he really is, I must say, gorgeous. Yet his personality; not so much. He is very judgmental, full of himself and arrogant (at times). He likes to mock out of people and often don't think about the consequences. He offended many girls. I saw them being depressed later. And I certainly do not want to be one of those girls. I also do not wish to be just another of his girls (I figure he has had many) or may I put it this way - trophies, as it is a common phrase of boys winning another girl's heart, making her fall for them, when they have no intentions of catching her. I hate that kind of boys. No, better yet; I despise them. Funny, huh?
But I have a really good feeling about him. He makes me feel secure and safe, even if he is not quite putting his arms around me. I can feel him from a far distance. When he comes down the hall every morning (and I am always earlier that him) and walks like a total badass, my heart jumps like crazy and the butterflies in my stomach go nuts. I love and hate those feelings at the same time. I kinda live for them, you know? The rush you feel when you see someone, when you just want to run up to them and kiss them all over their cute face. That's all you wanna do and hope you'll make them happy. That's all I wish. To draw that cute little smile of theirs on their face and brighten their day. And I want to do that with him. Be his and he being mine. It's like kinda cute, this thing we're having, if we're even having anything. But I can feel the tension each morning when he comes walking down the hall and glances to me. In that moment, I don't quite know what's happening to my body.
And when those eyes glance at mine, even if for two seconds, I can't keep mine away. It's like I'm stick to his. We have those kind of eye contacts like more than three a day. Almost in every period we occasionally look each other, or more like he kinda scratches his head and slowly turns around to look at me just for a little. I always sit behind him. Not directly behind him (only in Math class, though) but like in the back seats of the classroom. So I have good view on his perfect tanned neck and gorgeous, muscular back. He like almost always wears those tight (but not, you know, Calvin Klein tight) long-sleeve shirts and when he writes the shirt tightens around his shoulder blades, ribs and spine and it perfectly constructs his amazing body which is just enough muscular and toned. It's like he was already naked. Wow, sorry, I have gone way too far.
He is not just something to rest my eyes to. He is like always present in my mind, he practically never leaves. He is not just another boy to daydream about. I think about him even when I have million other, thousand times more important things to think about. He is not just another hot boy I lust for. He is actually someone I want to be with, someone to spend my whole Saturday with. But I'm afraid to take the first step in here because I'm not sure how he feels. He glances at me really a lot, like he kinda wants to make sure where I am or that I am safe (yeah right - I wish). And I try not to look at him all the time! So that means ... That maybe he looks at me even more than I think he does. But I try not to imagine those things and wish for them because I get all too excited and then when the truth eventually hits me I'm all disappointed and sad. I sometimes get my hopes too high. I try to avoid that and, you know, just live in the moment - Carpe Diem.
I must also confess: he's not perfect either. Like I said before; he is thoughtless, careless and baddest of them all. But he is sooooo attractive. Like, I doubt there is a girl who thinks otherwise. And I must be careful here. I think he is aware of him being so good looking. Many guys' personality is completely ruined just because of their freaking ego. Like if they would jump from the height of their ego to the reality and how dumb they actually are, they would probably die. But my guy (awww that sounds just way too cute - and realistic) is not like that. I hope he never will be that kind of guy. He is actually really smart, since he made it to one of the hardest high schools in our country. Well, I can't say he is some kind of Einstein, but he isn't that dumb either. I love how he stands up for himself and his believes, though. Even if I don't agree with him sometimes (and sometimes he really does make me wanna just punch him in the face - also for being annoying and obnoxious and for being so damn cute at the same time). He also likes to oppose the teachers and when they finally loose all their fucking nerves he just sits there like a little boy and does all they tell him to do and then laughs like crazy. And that smile is my favorite thing in the world. I can't hold it up and smile a bit, too. He is just always so relaxed and cool and himself. I love that about him. But I also hate him, most times. So what the hell is going on? I am so confused my head will explode. All I know for sure is that I want his lips on my lips as soon as possible. I want his arms around my waist and his breath on my neck. Is that too much to ask for? I'm just hoping that, once for a change, my wish will be heard and fulfilled by someone, anyone, above us. I wish on every star, on each full moon, on every 11:11. Each time, I wish I could end up in his arms. For him to hold me tight and never ever let me go ... Please.
I find myself in a very odd test here; will I keep "liking" him cause of his stunning face and all or force myself to get him out of my mind because he is just everything I hate in guys? I'm sticking to the latter, but my heart is telling me otherwise and it is so hard to choose. I am so confused and I haven't even begun.
It was the first of September and our brand new class was gathered in the gym, where we had some kind of get-to-know games. And immediately he caught my eye (I don't know if the phrase is correct). Anyway, I noticed him right away, it was like he was the sharp part of the picture and everything else beside, around or near him was blurry. It was still not the same like it was with Daniel, though, but it was familiar. I knew from that moment that he is going to mean something to me. And that's what I really really hate; knowing something or someone is going to be really important to me and that I'm going to get really attached and no one is getting attached on me and that it will all just suck, like it normally does. I hate expecting every second forward in my life and thinking how it'll be. I really force myself not to, but I think I'm doing it subconsciously and never even realizing it until later in that day. I know it's not right because I only make all sorts of things up and then I overthink of the things that haven't even happened yet. Yep, now you know my big flaw.
And when those eyes glance at mine, even if for two seconds, I can't keep mine away. It's like I'm stick to his. We have those kind of eye contacts like more than three a day. Almost in every period we occasionally look each other, or more like he kinda scratches his head and slowly turns around to look at me just for a little. I always sit behind him. Not directly behind him (only in Math class, though) but like in the back seats of the classroom. So I have good view on his perfect tanned neck and gorgeous, muscular back. He like almost always wears those tight (but not, you know, Calvin Klein tight) long-sleeve shirts and when he writes the shirt tightens around his shoulder blades, ribs and spine and it perfectly constructs his amazing body which is just enough muscular and toned. It's like he was already naked. Wow, sorry, I have gone way too far.
He is not just something to rest my eyes to. He is like always present in my mind, he practically never leaves. He is not just another boy to daydream about. I think about him even when I have million other, thousand times more important things to think about. He is not just another hot boy I lust for. He is actually someone I want to be with, someone to spend my whole Saturday with. But I'm afraid to take the first step in here because I'm not sure how he feels. He glances at me really a lot, like he kinda wants to make sure where I am or that I am safe (yeah right - I wish). And I try not to look at him all the time! So that means ... That maybe he looks at me even more than I think he does. But I try not to imagine those things and wish for them because I get all too excited and then when the truth eventually hits me I'm all disappointed and sad. I sometimes get my hopes too high. I try to avoid that and, you know, just live in the moment - Carpe Diem.
I must also confess: he's not perfect either. Like I said before; he is thoughtless, careless and baddest of them all. But he is sooooo attractive. Like, I doubt there is a girl who thinks otherwise. And I must be careful here. I think he is aware of him being so good looking. Many guys' personality is completely ruined just because of their freaking ego. Like if they would jump from the height of their ego to the reality and how dumb they actually are, they would probably die. But my guy (awww that sounds just way too cute - and realistic) is not like that. I hope he never will be that kind of guy. He is actually really smart, since he made it to one of the hardest high schools in our country. Well, I can't say he is some kind of Einstein, but he isn't that dumb either. I love how he stands up for himself and his believes, though. Even if I don't agree with him sometimes (and sometimes he really does make me wanna just punch him in the face - also for being annoying and obnoxious and for being so damn cute at the same time). He also likes to oppose the teachers and when they finally loose all their fucking nerves he just sits there like a little boy and does all they tell him to do and then laughs like crazy. And that smile is my favorite thing in the world. I can't hold it up and smile a bit, too. He is just always so relaxed and cool and himself. I love that about him. But I also hate him, most times. So what the hell is going on? I am so confused my head will explode. All I know for sure is that I want his lips on my lips as soon as possible. I want his arms around my waist and his breath on my neck. Is that too much to ask for? I'm just hoping that, once for a change, my wish will be heard and fulfilled by someone, anyone, above us. I wish on every star, on each full moon, on every 11:11. Each time, I wish I could end up in his arms. For him to hold me tight and never ever let me go ... Please.
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