What About Future?

 So I decided to write about tv shows and movies I like the most. Each month I'll publish a post about a tv show and the next month about a movie. They will follow in alphabetical order. One tv show starting on letter A and one movie starting on A. I kinda came up with this idea last night, it just popped in my head and I had to write it down so I don't forget. I'm not saying is such a genius idea, but I'm running out of subjects, yet writing is really working out for me lately. What I mean is that I like to write and that it feels like I could write for days and days, but I have nothing to write about (anymore, at least). Like, when we had this assignment at our language class (Slovenian), we had to write an essay (or maybe not even an essay, because I make an essay out of everything - it's getting pretty annoying that I write four pages about really anything and the job is to write like half of page) about some fiction story more like involving tenses.

 But anyway I was the only one to write more than one page. I wrote four; I know it's not a big deal, it's just a lot and most of them (students, I guess) aren't used of someone writing it off like that. It kinda seemed like I was sucking up to the teacher. When I am actually not. I'm not being praised as much as I could be. And actually, to be honest and frank; I don't want to be praised. Although I like critics and being criticized (about my writing), because I know you can always do better. I like it when someone tells me encouraging stuff and be like supportive and having faith in me. It means a lot to me, because not many people are really honest. I think it is better to tell the truth, break some hearts (that's kinda harsh example but anyway) and live conscience-free. I hate when people say: "Tell me the truth, tell me your real opinion, I can handle it." First of all: why do they say I can handle it? Like it's nothing painful (not phisically at least. I'm not as heartless as I seem btw) and it only reflects the true you, it is not necessarily effecting them (except if you want to hurt them; for that kind of thing we have a specific name - boys). Second of all: when you finally do tell them the truth, put aside all the possible consequences and finally gather all the guts you have, take a chance - they get so offended and sad and depressed when you tell them the truth that you in the end do feel guilty, because that's their exact plan. You tell the truth and they make you feel guilty for it. Now explain the logic here. 

 But now enough for the honesty, though. I have something more important to discuss. Like... Like tv shows! And movies! What's more exciting than that?! Anyway, I am like the queen of tv shows and movies. I've watched every single thing. Just name it. Please, just do. And I kinda sorta do feel guilty for watching all that it's going, you know, across the big "puddle" as they call it (and all around Europe, too). It's not fair that they don't make it available and watchable in our country so we have to download everything. I know it's illegal and stuff, but we could go on and on about how they should legalize this and ban something else, something a hundred times more harmful and dangerous than watching tv shows.
 Anyway, you must be wondering why I love tv shows so much and what the hell do I see in them. First of all: maybe it's because I'm a lonely not-have-a-boyfriend teenager who is good in school, has a kind soul, clear conscience, but nothing good in this effing world returns to me. Okay, I overreacted. But nothing I wrote is a lie. So, back to the question; I think I love them because they make me forget about the real world for forty minutes (except if I watch ten of them in a row, it happens to be all night so ... #sorryimnotsorry) and kinda step into a life of someone else. To be someone else. To experience life in a different way, to deal with other problems, to actually be popular, to have really best friends ever, to blend in and to have boys fight over you (okay, now it's very easy to figure out which show is one of my fav). I like to runaway from reality and deal with fantasy stuff or fiction or something that is never going to happen to me (like stupid scenarios I make in my head at 11 PM that have -2% chance of actually happening). I like to think I'm someone else because I've really got sick and tired of this stupid, ugly version of me. I know no one will love me if I don't learn to love myself first and to be honest: I do love me sometimes and I still do think I'm better then everyone and you know all this selfish, narcissistic and egoistical bull*hit like that. I am so aware of my bad and good sides of me that my head is sometimes ready to explode and I know that even though if I could be or might be someone else, nothing would change. Okay, except if I'd be Adriana Lima - that would probably change everything. But anyway; what I'm trying to say is that everyone has ups and downs and those little depression days when you only think of killing yourself or just disappearing for couple of days, when you feel totally empty and sad for no reason. Being someone else won't solve everything so quickly. Everyone stresses and feel lost at times and first you have to figure things out in your head so you can be sure in yourself and thinking good of yourself and suddenly - you won't want to be anybody else but yourself. I know every single thing to change the way of thinking and everything, yet I never get down to it. I always give up and go back to black. I always keep saying that I need time and that in time I'll come to this point I am promising everyone around me. It's kinda hard telling people to be brave, sure of themselves and strong, when I know I'm the weakest person ever. I'm sensitive and get offended quite easily, when people mostly didn't want to hurt me and bring me down, but I make problems and plot or conspiracy that doesn't even exist. I feel like all people in the world are judging me when no one really gives a damn about me and I'm trying to figure out which is worse.

 Back to the point (sorry again). I always seem to get too subjective although this is why we have blogger; to whine about our poor little feelings get hurt. And second of all: I love them because they keep me distracted. Of course, that is kind of the same as the first reason, but not quite identical. You see, we have choice in this. We can face reality as it is, also face the world and that we'll never get what we want and voilà; problem solved. That's an option for more like "concrete" people, who are realistic and I actually envy them because that is where my problem lies. I get the world as it is, I know it's bad sides and also good sides, but I won't and won't accept it. I still live in this fantasy world where I can be popular and myself and outgoing and a boy-magnet, where nothing can go wrong and if something does go wrong, I would have no difficulties solving it. I do know people like that, as you may thought: "There is no such person as described." Well, let me break it down for you: there are many people like that. In my school, at swimming, everyday I meet people with such carefree attitude and careless minds. And the other choice, closer to me and other shy and pathetic teens around the world, is to keep hiding and pushing all your problems inside. Never speaking out about them. Okay, that doesn't have to meet all the fangirls and fanboys who are obsessed with tv shows, but the people I meet at Tumblr are pretty much like this. And this is wrong and it needs to stop. I think Tumblr is somehow destroying our lives, even though we treat like heaven on Earth (more like heaven on Internet). But it's a choice of a individual. We put ourselves into it and we need to find strength to put ourselves out, too. It's important to know where the limits are and to be brave enough to step out of something everyone else does.

 Now, I know this is all way too emotional and overrated, but I just want you to know that some tv shows did change lives and still do. They make us want to reach out for more, explore, go in the nature and adore its wonders. Yet somehow they chain us to our beds and make us forget about the world for a while. But if you still have a bit of common sense left, you see beyond the obsession and "fangirling". You see that they also teach us how to be strong, brave and fearless. How to deal with life and that not all problems are a matter of life and death (maybe in Vampire Diaries). They remind us of who we are, they let us know that we are important and that we have a big part in this life. That nothing would be the same without us. I think that's why watching some MTV tv shows now and then are important for our confidence and ego as well (the only MTV show I cannot stand is those stupid Geordie Shore alike shows that only include unnecessary drama, sex and tears). They teach us that we have to stand up for ourselves because otherwise we'll fall for anything which is bad. We can learn a lot from characters who we are in love with, who we look up to, who are our secret role models. And the creators of these shows know exactly what they're doing. They also want to see a change in the world and doing it through TV or computer is really best way since computer is our generation's almost second part of body. And I hate it when someone says: "Will you stop watching this stupid tv show?" I'm sure they don't mean any harm, but it can effect us. We're most sensitive in this age and I think they should think before they speak. Who knows; maybe you'll save a life.