Okay, I really don't get it. Everyone's happy with someone. They have someone to cheer them up. All I have is my mum and my pillow. I think it's about time to move on from pillow and mummy (that doesn't mean I don't love her; she's the best mum you can possibly imagine) to some serious guy. But of course; how?
You see, I've been asking myself the same questions for over a year. How come I don't get a guy? How come I haven't had a guy? Like ever? Am I not pretty enough for anyone? Doesn't anyone see potencial in me? Doesn't anyone find me interesting? I always keep telling myself that life's going to take care of me, it has a plan for me. It has to. I keep convincing myself that eventually, I'll find someone perfect for me, someone who'll get me. But what if that person never comes? What if I'm telling myself a lie? Because I personally believe, if there was anyone who'd like me or thought of me in a different way (to be lovers); it would happen, right? I mean, I'm fourteen. Maybe you think that I'm just a kid, that I don't have to worry for that. But how come I keep thinking about it everyday, all day? When I have my headphones in, driving on a bus to school and home from school, I like to observe people. I see beauty in every single person I see, I'm telling the truth. I see beauty in everyone, but me. And again, I keep saying that's normal for my age right? But what if (again) I'm blinding myself? What if all people on the world have something in them or on them that makes someone fall for them? And that I don't have that? Because, if I'm honest, I actually don't picture myself with a boyfriend. I don't imagine me and him, holding hands... I know I mentioned before I do with Him, but it's different here. I don't see myself with a guy in generally.
I wish and just need someone to tell what's on my mind, even if it's just a bestfriend, cause I don't have one either. You know, I really hate that I'm one of those persons (I don't know if there even are any who are like me. I hope they are though) that is not satisfied with just a little comfort or advice. Okay, I do accept every helping hand of course, but I wish I'd knew someone like me, someone who'll understand how it's like, how'll accpet me like my family and love me no matter what. Yeah, that's kind of describtion of a soul mate, I know... But I noticed some people actually find those kind of friends. And, if I'm truly honest (not rude, but really honest) they're not anything special. And I'm not saying I am. I'm far far far from special. Yet I think every person deserves at least one true friend who won't talk shit about them. And here's my problem. I'm always that true friend who's trying to make things right. I'm always the one who gets the credits (I should but all I get is: oh thanks man) for making their lives less 'miserable'. Who makes sure they're okay after a break-up, who gives them advices from my heart and soul and with good intentions, not because: oh I'm her/his friend maybe I should do something. Yes, I agree friends should and must be the one to be there when you need them, but it's not the same anymore. Now you don't know who's really your friend and who's just pretending and later talking behind your back. It's sad. And the most sad part of all
of this is that I'm still there for them. No matter what I get in return. I'm that kind of person that will still feel sorry for them and do anything you can do make them happy. Do you imagine what I would give to be more selfish and ignorant? To not always let people know they can count on me whenever they want (again, I know that's what friends do, but it's not the same, it's not 'friendship' anymore when they don't do the same for you. Like, when's my turn?!). Yet, they still get all the attention, all the good stuff and boyfriends... The appear in a good way. As long as they're happy and get what they want, right...
Oh well, I can only hope and pray that one day , I'll shine. That one day someone's going to notice ME and not those dumb, skinny cows with big boobs and small brains. That one day... I'm going to get my dream guy... And yet, all of this can be just an illusion. Hope it's not...
Well, I hope you had a nice day and spent it as much as you could with the persons you love! Now remember; never ever let the chance to tell someone you love them go! You'll never know if you never try! :)
Good night!
You see, I've been asking myself the same questions for over a year. How come I don't get a guy? How come I haven't had a guy? Like ever? Am I not pretty enough for anyone? Doesn't anyone see potencial in me? Doesn't anyone find me interesting? I always keep telling myself that life's going to take care of me, it has a plan for me. It has to. I keep convincing myself that eventually, I'll find someone perfect for me, someone who'll get me. But what if that person never comes? What if I'm telling myself a lie? Because I personally believe, if there was anyone who'd like me or thought of me in a different way (to be lovers); it would happen, right? I mean, I'm fourteen. Maybe you think that I'm just a kid, that I don't have to worry for that. But how come I keep thinking about it everyday, all day? When I have my headphones in, driving on a bus to school and home from school, I like to observe people. I see beauty in every single person I see, I'm telling the truth. I see beauty in everyone, but me. And again, I keep saying that's normal for my age right? But what if (again) I'm blinding myself? What if all people on the world have something in them or on them that makes someone fall for them? And that I don't have that? Because, if I'm honest, I actually don't picture myself with a boyfriend. I don't imagine me and him, holding hands... I know I mentioned before I do with Him, but it's different here. I don't see myself with a guy in generally.
I wish and just need someone to tell what's on my mind, even if it's just a bestfriend, cause I don't have one either. You know, I really hate that I'm one of those persons (I don't know if there even are any who are like me. I hope they are though) that is not satisfied with just a little comfort or advice. Okay, I do accept every helping hand of course, but I wish I'd knew someone like me, someone who'll understand how it's like, how'll accpet me like my family and love me no matter what. Yeah, that's kind of describtion of a soul mate, I know... But I noticed some people actually find those kind of friends. And, if I'm truly honest (not rude, but really honest) they're not anything special. And I'm not saying I am. I'm far far far from special. Yet I think every person deserves at least one true friend who won't talk shit about them. And here's my problem. I'm always that true friend who's trying to make things right. I'm always the one who gets the credits (I should but all I get is: oh thanks man) for making their lives less 'miserable'. Who makes sure they're okay after a break-up, who gives them advices from my heart and soul and with good intentions, not because: oh I'm her/his friend maybe I should do something. Yes, I agree friends should and must be the one to be there when you need them, but it's not the same anymore. Now you don't know who's really your friend and who's just pretending and later talking behind your back. It's sad. And the most sad part of all
of this is that I'm still there for them. No matter what I get in return. I'm that kind of person that will still feel sorry for them and do anything you can do make them happy. Do you imagine what I would give to be more selfish and ignorant? To not always let people know they can count on me whenever they want (again, I know that's what friends do, but it's not the same, it's not 'friendship' anymore when they don't do the same for you. Like, when's my turn?!). Yet, they still get all the attention, all the good stuff and boyfriends... The appear in a good way. As long as they're happy and get what they want, right...
Oh well, I can only hope and pray that one day , I'll shine. That one day someone's going to notice ME and not those dumb, skinny cows with big boobs and small brains. That one day... I'm going to get my dream guy... And yet, all of this can be just an illusion. Hope it's not...
Well, I hope you had a nice day and spent it as much as you could with the persons you love! Now remember; never ever let the chance to tell someone you love them go! You'll never know if you never try! :)
Good night!
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