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This is a sad, stupid, selfish and ugly world we live in

3MSC – Stop The Clocks

Best movie ever. It’s about a nice, good girl Babi and a bad, sexy (he’s so freaking hot) boy H (Hache) who end up together. But then, after few months of pure happinnes and joy, trouble began. They started to fight and later their friend died on motorcycle races. She blames H for their friend’s death and he accidently hit her and, of course, they never spoke again.
But oh my god, they were meant to be. They were so perfect, you have to watch this movie if you love beautiful romance movies.

But there’s a part two, which is very sad. H finds a girl to forget Babi and she’s with her neighbour. But one day, they meet and the scene took my breath away. It showed what was going on inside H’s head and it played memories he had with Babi and I cried so hard at that part. They started to talk, but it was clear there was no chemistry between them anymore. They spent a night together though (screwing each other to be precise), but nothing changed. H stayed with his girl (Gin) and Babi married her neighbour and that’s how story ends :(


Anyway, today has been a really busy day. We had an English, French and Biology test. Every teacher really seems to enjoy in torturing us and seeing us suffer. They give us shit loads of homework like the subject they’re teaching is the only thing we have to learn on this school. When they give us like really hard questions or equations, they looked right into our poor, fragile soul and give us their most evil smile. I just don’t get it. Weren’t they in school too? Weren’t they having a life beyond school benches? Didn’t they hate teachers and (maybe without them realising) in far future somehow became one? Well, I guess they have their reasons.
So I have this song (Stop The Clocks) on my iPod and had it on replay today when I was driving home from school. I couldn’t resist the thought of making this scenes in my head that Babi and H had, except I was Babi and H was Jaka … I know all I talk about is him, but that’s going in my head too; he’s there all the time. Everywhere I look, I could imagine him and me together. When I had crushes before, I was never able to picture that boy and myself kissing or hugging or holding hands. But with him, I actually do. It’s like, when I think about it and make stories in my head, it somehow seems like it’s a long distanced memory. It’s that alive.


You know, it’s kind of a sad world we live in. If you’re not good looking or dying, you don’t matter as much. All those people on Facebook, Tumblr, everywhere, saying how much they care, how they don’t do this, how they don’t do that. But in reality, they’re exactly what they said they aren’t. You see, I have these two girls in my class that are “best friends”. They’re hot and they have big boobs; so they’re popular. But like everyone else, they are also saying that they’re not like other, they don’t lie, they’ll listen to your problems. And like you probably expected, they are just the same.
All that those people care about is just how popular they will be, how many boyfriends/girlfriends will they have per month (another funny story: they always say how much they’ve fallen in love with someone and how they want to be forever together with them, then they get them, are together three weeks and that’s it, job done), on how many parties will they go, how cool are they when they smoke and drink and also they really seem to care the most about their photos and statuses on Facebook. Haha, they always say how they don’t post “very wise” statuses just because of likes (that will somehow make them Facebook fameous, you know), but because they’re actually that smart! Smart my ass.

Also very dumb habit they have; not reading a single thing, then wondering how did they got such a bad rate on their exam. Fuck logic, right?
Stupidity isn’t a virus but it sure is spreading like one! I have this “best friend” (actually, the only friend I could trust ‘things’), whom I’ve known for a very long time; about seven years. She used to be so innocent, nice, kind, patient and not judgemental. I could really trust her everything and she’d accept me for who I am, she did. We were always together, she said I’m the only one who she can trust with her heart so we made those little friendship bracelets and we took a photo and I put it in a frame on my bedside locker. We said forever...

Now it’s been, I don’t know, three or four months since that and she entirely changed; her personality and her looks. She became so … Ordinary. Just another brick in the wall of stupid, selfish, arrogant and ignorant people. She became what she always said she would never be. It’s just so sad, whatching it how someone left you behind. I mean, I have this feeling that she’d trust more her new friends whom she’s known for a very short period of time rather than me, her best friend. I also think that if she’d be seen out somewhere with me, she’d be ashamed. Okay, I’m not such an outsider, I’m just not in that “popular, cool kidz” group. And she became one of them. But I believe, I somehow feel, that one day, she’ll wake up and realise that I’m gone. Cause you see, if she continious to act like this (ignoring me, not talking to me for weeks), I’m outta her. I don’t need this. I mean, I’ll move on, go out, find some new friends, friends that are someone she used to be. I know it’d be hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember (I used to tell her every single detail of my day, of my crush, simply everything). But life’s made of changes and as long as we don’t want to except them, we’ll live in fear and regret. Such a waste of time, don’t you think? And one day. One day she’s gonna realise she lost a diamond (I’m not saying that I’m that worthy, but I am a true friend), while collecting stones. Because sooner or later, they’re gonna let her down too and finally she’ll feel on her own skin too how that feels. But by that time, I’ll be far gone.

Okay, so let’s go a little bit back. In swimming.
This season didn’t start that well. I had a serious injury of a left arm. I’m having a medical examination that will tell how bad the damage is and what treatment will I need.
So why was I telling you this; because now I’m not present on swimming pracitces and I don’t get to see Jaka. Now I’ve been home for two weeks and it’s really killing me. Not only that I don’t see my love but I miss swimming very much. But I’ll still try a little bit tomorrow to see if it’s any better.
So, now Jaka posted on Facebook that he’ll be missing on pracitices too, because he’s ill. Great! I’ve already celebrated that I’ll finally see him tomorrow after two immensely long weeks of torture. But of course, karma had to make everything more complicated. But I see a point in here though. You don’t know how much you love someone, until you’ve been apart for some time (two weeks and now MORE is still just too much) and then realise how much you’ve missed them. You find out by the feelings you get when you finally saw his/hers face after all this time. I hope he’ll be happy to see me too, when we finally meet again …

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