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Subject: Suicide

 First of all, I'd like to say that I have experience in that area and I know how it feels. I had those dark thoughts in my head. I thought of dying everyday. If anyone would even miss me. Maybe for some time, but then they'd get used to it. That's how I thought.
 When I came from school, I ran upstairs to my room and just curled in a ball, cover myself with a thick blanket and cry. Big, warm tears were streaming down my face for no particular reason. I just felt... Empty. I was sad and depressed. I wasn't cutting though. I just kept it to myself. All the things I wanted to tell somebody, anybody (which would be a really big mistake). Things I wanted to just let out, but couldn't. I had them in my mind all day, everyday.

 Now, reason number two why I know things about this; three friends of mine have committed suicide. It hurted like hell. It still does. I miss them everyday; I miss them on competitions, their jokes, laughs and habits. I miss the feelings they gave me. I miss the times we had. I moved on, but they'll always fill that special place in my heart and I'll never ever forget them.


 I'm about to discuss with you about suicide. Eventhough you may not be the one that's having problems, it's worth reading it. Just to know some things about it. You never know which of your friends is suffering and you must be able to help them and talk to them about it.
 And it's also something you must now, something you have to be aware of. Because it's becoming some kind of trend these days, to be "depressed". You see, saying to everyone how sad you are and forever alone, doesn't mean you're depressed. It's just a bad day, not a bad life! Keep that in mind, please.

1. Happiness is a state of mind, state you choose, state you fight for
 
 You see, you may say it's hard to be happy and it's not easy to get there. I totally agree. But here's a thing: how will you accomplish anything if you always say bad things about yourself? If you always think pessimistically? It's not going anywhere. I know (please, always be aware of the fact, I've been through this) it's always easier to give up and keep it to yourself than talk to someone. Those things are really private and not all care, most of them are just curious and will use your bad mood, if I can say so, for start of bullying and so on. It's not easy, yes. You can't really rely on someone when it comes to those matters, but always remember that I am here for you. And you have to get to know people very, very well before trusting them those things. So that's why I'm telling you this so you can help yourself. Because in fact, no one can really help you and cure you but yourself. You have to start with you. You have to learn how to be happy, you have to fight for it.

2. Life is so beautiful, it has so many wonders and you just have to step out and look around

  Now, things you need to do besides school and activities you have:
  • Go outside. Maybe just for a short walk to the nearest woods and/or take a book with you and sit on a bench and read. Take a deep breathe. Inhale and exhale. Can you feel it? When you're all alone; just the forrest world and you. Can you feel that thing? Your heartbeat, the wind, gently blowing through your hair, birds softly singing their song of life and that beautiful voice of the leaves on the tree, rustling? It's called life. All it takes is a walk in the nature to realise that this life, this one big, strange thing called life, is so unbelievable amazing. Only the thought of being born and living this great life is extraordinary. You're alive. Make the most of it, while you're still young.
  •  Read. It helps. A lot. It's just that unreal, wonderful world you can hide in for some time, to run from reality. It's like you're the observer of that imaginary world and people. It's also a part of general education, it's just something you can't live without. You have to try it sometimes. You'll be surprised how easily you can fall in love.
  • Socialize! Go out with your friends (now, you have some friends, I know you do. Eventhough they might not me the one to trust your deepest secrets, they're just for fun. And you need it!). You need this to forget about your problems for a while. To have good memories and those good times in your mind instead of those sad thoughts. 
  • Exercise (in case if you're not doing anything). Do something good for your body, have some goals. Say to yourself: "I've decided to go to gym everyday," Or maybe four times a week, it doesn't matter. Although, you have to start slowly. Don't do it all at once, do it from step to step. Your body needs to settle for each level and then carry on. 
  • Eat healthy and in regular order. Don't overeat, it's not good for your gastrointestinals. And don't skip breakfast! It's the most important meal of the day. If you skip it, you're so hungry by the time of lunch you could eat anything that creeps, right? And you're so nervous too, that you can't make a proper meal. So, it does more damage than use. 
  • Sing, dance, draw, write, read, jump, run, laugh, breathe, talk, love, eat, think (not to much and not about sad things, of course), listen, be grateful, learn how to appreciate little things and all the above together; enjoy life. Use it's wonders, let your feelings out by doing something you're good at (and don't tell me there's nothing, because everyone has their own, secret talent).
     
    Find something you're passionate about and keep it tremendously interested in it.
    - Julia Child
     (you go, Julia!)

3. You don't have to suffer, you can do better than that. It's just the way you choose to live, because this pain is temporary; life and feelings are changing all the time and you have to be alive to see it!

 Oh, you're so much better than you think. You have so many undiscovered talents and gifts. You have so much love inside of you, you have to get it out to the world! You see, when I finally found out how stupid it is to waste our precious time on those silly things, I started to laugh like crazy. I'm serious. When I looked back and remember myself, how I used to be, I thought to myself: "How on earth did I even survived? How couldn't I have no interest in anything?". And yes, I did hardly survive. But that fades! It does! It get's better. You start to think about future, about good things. Good things that are about to happen. When my mom came upstairs to see if I'm crying, tears of joy were streaming down her face and she gave me that big, bear hug that will stay in my memory forever. You're like reborn. You're the new you. The positive you, the optimistic new. Now, you're known as a person who sees glass half full.

4. Imagine your parents finding you, dealing with the pain, wondering where did they go wrong. Suicide isn't the only choice and it's the most selfish one.

 Can you possibly imagine how your mother would react? Example:
 Your mother is downstairs in the kitchen, reading the new fashion magazine she bought. Suddenly, she sees a dress that would really fit you and she decided by herself, that she'll buy you one. She yells your name. No response. She yells again, wondering what you're doing. She's used to hear that loud music you're always listening or steps of you walking up and down the room. She decided to go look for you. But she doesn't even imagine what she's about to see, not even in her wildest nightmare.
 She opens the door quietly and finally sees you, hanging there. She release the scarest sound of horror. Your dad runs upstairs, tears start pouring from his desperate eyes. Same with your brother/sister. They're all shocked to death.
 Few days later your parents start to organise the funeral for their daughter. They never would have thought that they'd see their own child in a coffin. They suddenly lost their meaning in life. It's hopless without you. What will they do with you out of the picture? How will they carry on with their lives?
 More friends came than you expected. All your friends from school, some teachers too. They were all crying. They all cared, more that you thought.

 It's not worth it. You're so much better than that. A lot better.

5. I am here from you

 For the end; I'll always be here to talk to you, if you need anything. I am here for you, because I know how it's like to have no one. But you don't have to be alone. Life's too short to waste time with being all sad and desperate. It's normal to have a bad day now and then, but you don't have to live like this. It gets and it will get better. It's all up to you. Don't give up, don't you dare give up. You have to fight. Nothing's unreachable. Anything can be done with enough will, trust and power in your heart. You, and only you, can cure yourself from those sick thoughts. You can do this.

 Now, I hope you've learned something from this. Some people have problems and sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up and listen. Don't judge or talk, just listen. If you're trustable enough, of course. You'd know that the best. Just don't pretend. In that case, walk away. We don't need fakers here. Here is about being a human and being there for another human. I don't get all this jealousy, envy and hate in this world. What have we become? We're all the same; black, white, gay, straight, rich, poor, fat, thin, boy, girl. We're all in the same shit and we HAVE to learn how to help each other.
 You're beautiful and amazing, don't change anything on you. Don't care for someone who doesn't give a shit about you (it's hard, I know). Be yourself, cause one day, someone will fall in love with who you are and not who you're pretending to be. Remember: it's better to be hated for real you, then loved for someone who you're pretending to be. 


 Stay strong, I love you xx.

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