Significant Revelations of Insignificant Minds

 I'm done. I'm so done. All this pressure; school, parents, swimming and everything else. It's just unbearable. I can't do this anymore. I wish I could just stop time for a while, clear my head, have some sleep and then maybe carry on. I wanna fly away somewhere, with no worries, with no obligations. Just to relax. I want to meet new people. I'm tired of all this same routine every single day, I'm bored of all the same people with the same acts who don't care about me. Who only care about their stupid asses, what I wish I was able to. They all seem to enjoy life in some way the like it, while I'm still figuring out what to do with myself and my life. I don't want to feel anything anymore, cause I always get to attached and care to much about someone who's not returning me love.    I feel awful. In my head's bumping, I feel really exhausted although I do nothing else then go to practice in the morning. My eyes are heavy and sleepy, but I...

 Now, I really feel guilty for not writing regularly, but I simply can't find any time. All the exams and practices... It's just really exhausting. I'm really sorry.  Anyway, So I made a choice, that one day in every month I'll (or you can comment in any of my posts) pick a subject and write about it. I think it's important that we chose themes, we want to talk about, that we need to clear some things we were long craving to talk about.  And this time I chose a subject I'm sure all of us has been through or is familiar with it. And I also chose it because Christmas is coming and I'm sure you all want to be around family, forget about the problems you've had through the year and just enjoy this special time.  Forgiving. What is the first thing that pops in to your mind when hearing this word? Do you think of a special person you forgave for a silly thing but it's still important to you and haven't really moved on? Did you forgave them, not be...

 I read someone's answer on Formspring on what love means to her. And I got thinking. What is love? How do we define it? How do we feel it?  For me, love is the most beautiful and painful feeling you can feel. I have experienced real love. I'd have never thought that it would visit me so early. But it did. And it didn't turned out well. Because love isn't always just about perfect couples and sweet talks and cuddling and stuff like that. Love is sacrifice, love is when someone elses happiness is your happiness. And here comes my story. Jan and me at national championship 2006/7 (we won, yay)   We met six years ago on a national swimming championship. His and my club stayed in a same hotel. It was Thursday evening when my eyes first saw his beautiful, divine face. I didn't know I was already in love. His club had dinner across the dining hall and my on the other side. But we kept looking at each other. Every second. We couldn't took our eyes of eac...

 December. Month of love, happiness, care and forgivness. And most important: time to make your last, unfinished wishes and golds come true. Although the world will end in 19 days. I don't believe in it, do you? I mean, some people really overreact when they bought underground homes for like at least one million dollars and spent all their belongings. I don't know, I just think we shouldn't be so naive and believe everything we see on TV or read in newspaper.  Anyway, December is so magical to me. Just all the lights, Christmas spirit everywhere, the smell of mulled wine and hot chocolate and just joy in every corner you look, it overwhelmes me. And plus; I think there's no real December without snow. In Slovenia last year, it was so empty and sad without snow. It wasn't real Christmas. Now it's snowing and it must have reached over 10cm. I hope days now will be cold enough so the snow won't melt right away.  I just love December. I haven't actually b...

Okay, I really don't get it. Everyone's happy with someone. They have someone to cheer them up. All I have is my mum and my pillow. I think it's about time to move on from pillow and mummy (that doesn't mean I don't love her; she's the best mum you can possibly imagine) to some serious guy. But of course; how?   You see, I've been asking myself the same questions for over a year. How come I don't get a guy? How come I haven't had a guy? Like ever? Am I not pretty enough for anyone? Doesn't anyone see potencial in me? Doesn't anyone find me interesting? I always keep telling myself that life's going to take care of me, it has a plan for me. It has to. I keep convincing myself that eventually, I'll find someone perfect for me, someone who'll get me. But what if that person never comes? What if I'm telling myself a lie? Because I personally believe, if there was anyone who'd like me or thought of me in a different way (to b...

  First of all; sorry I haven't been blogging much lately (like anyone reads it...). It's just school's getting really tough and I barely have any free time and when I have some, I like to read. So please no offence here.  I just can't keep up with everything. I'm really going mad, because I'm not going on pracitces cause of this stupid arm. I did went yesterday actually, but it was even worse. I also saw Him. My heart went crazy, so did my mind and stomach. Like I wasn't preparing myself for this moment. I imagined it a hundred times in my head, though it was completely different in reality. It was even more beautiful. And painful.   Today in school was horrible. Everybody's laughing everywhere I look. They're smiling, they're happy. They're giving out some kind of shine or sparkling. Why can't I?  In school is going down pretty much too.  In French I got a C today. I was studying so so hard. I really tried. Okay, I was scared and ...

 First of all, I'd like to say that I have experience in that area and I know how it feels. I had those dark thoughts in my head. I thought of dying everyday. If anyone would even miss me. Maybe for some time, but then they'd get used to it. That's how I thought.  When I came from school, I ran upstairs to my room and just curled in a ball, cover myself with a thick blanket and cry. Big, warm tears were streaming down my face for no particular reason. I just felt... Empty. I was sad and depressed. I wasn't cutting though. I just kept it to myself. All the things I wanted to tell somebody, anybody (which would be a really big mistake). Things I wanted to just let out, but couldn't. I had them in my mind all day, everyday.  Now, reason number two why I know things about this; three friends of mine have committed suicide. It hurted like hell. It still does. I miss them everyday; I miss them on competitions, their jokes, laughs and habits. I miss the feelings they gav...

12:02 p.m. That was the time I realised today that if we're happy or in a good mood we see things and people in a whole other perspective. Life itself isn't hard at all. If just stop for a second and look around, this life and what you've given is pretty amazing. It's just all about how WE see life and in which mood we are.  Seriously, you may think it really doesn't matter, but it does. You maybe don't even realise it how important this is. It's all up to us and how we decide to see the world. Some people for instance are optimists and kind of always see life in a bright light. Then on the other hand, some people don't even see a meaning in life. But it's actually all the same in real life. It's all in out brain how we see things, not only life and world itself but people and things too. Now, I know it's much easier to say things then actually do them and that it's much, much easier to "give up" than open up and talk to someo...

 Just got home from cinema watching 007 Skyfall. I am speechless. It was intense and exciting through the whole story, it really felt like you were there. With two words; simply awesome.  Anyway, it was good day today I guess. I studied math and a bit of french today and I was doing quite good actually. But it's still hard. Even though I'm still in primary school. I'm kind of less organised than when I had trainings. I hardly concentrated on anything and keep it up. But later was ok.  Also, today we celebrated my brother's 19th birthday! I really love him. He is very special. I can trust him anything knowing, he won't tell a soul. He's the only person who will tell you the whole truth, who isn't someone who will succombe under the pressure of society. He'll stay true to himself no matter what. Oh god, what would I do without him? He isn't one of those teenagers who will, I don't know, go out every night, get drunk, smoke weed and stuff. He...

3MSC – Stop The Clocks Best movie ever. It’s about a nice, good girl Babi and a bad, sexy (he’s so freaking hot) boy H (Hache) who end up together. But then, after few months of pure happinnes and joy, trouble began. They started to fight and later their friend died on motorcycle races. She blames H for their friend’s death and he accidently hit her and, of course, they never spoke again. But oh my god, they were meant to be. They were so perfect, you have to watch this movie if you love beautiful romance movies. But there’s a part two, which is very sad. H finds a girl to forget Babi and she’s with her neighbour. But one day, they meet and the scene took my breath away. It showed what was going on inside H’s head and it played memories he had with Babi and I cried so hard at that part. They started to talk, but it was clear there was no chemistry between them anymore. They spent a night together though (screwing each other to be precise), but nothing changed. ...

 First of all, I have to tell you that first three posts were already written last week, cause I logged in some new blogging place so this is about last Wednesday, just so you know. And the next blog is from Thursday. Like the title says it all, it’s really sunny here in Slovenia (where I live). And it’s also pretty warm for November; yesterday was 17 °C in the morning! Anyway, I know all this nice weather and this should make me a bit more cheerful. I must confess, my school mates did distract me for a while with their funny jokes and generally their existence. But then, across the hall, I saw two three years younger kids kissing. No, they were actually making out. And then I became sad. Like almost desperate. Everything went down, everybody started to annoy me and I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Two little children were albe to find someone who’s making them happy and me, lonely, 14 years old creep can’t. I just stood there, staring at them. And of...